Offer arrived, can I still ask for more? - 11 months and counting

I received an offer as an operations analyst and I think the pay is a little low. I would rather hear the honest version than the polite one. The hiring manager was friendly and open. What wording worked?

If they say no, consider asking for something else, such as a review in six months.

I thanked them and said I was excited but hoped we could talk about the pay. They came back with a bit more.