How much room is there after an offer? (update)

I received an offer as a data-entry clerk and I think the pay is a little low. The hiring manager was friendly and open. What wording worked?

Thanks for writing this out. I went through something close to it last year, and it settled down once I kept a simple log of every call and form.

If they say no, consider asking for something else, such as a review in six months.